A Best Case Scenario When Being Abducted by Aliens

I always hope that if I ever get abducted by an alien that he would be smoking a cigarette. Maybe even holding a pack in his  other hand. For some reason I think that would make the sitaution seem less threatening. Think about it. Imagine waking up to the sight of a giant grey alien head that was held up by this sickly child sized body, with black empty eyes, and creepily thin lips, leaning over your bed and staring at you right in the face! Scary. I would probably shit my pants. Actually, I would probably shit my pants and then just die. Now, imagine that same alien with a cigarette hanging out of its creepily thin lips. Much less scary. No doubt you would still be scared, but you might not shit your pants and die. The oddity of the situation would probably make you tilt your head and wonder where this alien picked up the bad habit. If years on the job as a human abducter exposed him to this addictive vice. Do aliens have worker compensation insurance? You might even try and ask him about it. Chances are if this alien is smoking on the job he probably doesnt take it too seriously. At least maybe not as seriously as the aliens who dont smoke and just creepily stare at you while you sleep. You might even get lucky with a half ass abduction that isnt as invasive or scary as some of the stories we have all heard.

I also hope that if I ever got abducted that the aliens leave me with a special power. A way to say thanks for putting me through the torment of being abducted by scary little creatures from outerspace and the subsequent years of therapy and hypnosis regression. The gift of a special power, or some superhuman ability, would probably help with the healing process. Like telepathy, mind control, or just make me really smart. Maybe even allow me to tap into that giant percentage of my brain that we humans apparently dont use, which would probably allow me to fly or at least jump really high onto roofs.

Or maybe, if the aliens wanted to have sex with me, cause sometimes they do that weird shit, they would transform themselves into celebrities that I found really attractive. Like they tapped into my brain and knew all of my deepest desires. We would both get something out of that scenario. I would probably know I was being abducted though. I dont know that my brain would logically accept that Angelina Jolie made her way to my bedroom driven solely by some unexplainable and uncontrollable love for me.

The bottom line is, aliens abduct people. They probably always have and they probably always will, at least until they decide to just stop fooling around and invade the planet already. Until then, they could make the process a little more enjoyable for the people they are abducting. I am sure I am not the only one with a best case abduction scenarios planned out every night before I am able to fall asleep.